Seems like forever...
It seems like forever since we’ve talked but I know that it has been only a couple of weeks. And I know that it’s been a very long time since I’ve updated this weblog.
Christmas has passed and the New Year has been here for a couple of months. We’ve been able to share a moments together with your call for help regarding Prensa. But now it seems different. We’ve stopped corresponding even before our anniversary. I don’t blame you, I know how difficult it was for me… I hope you know that I had thoughts of you constantly around that time. I wondered what you did for Valentine’s Day and how you spent your day on our anniversary. How was the Joshua Radin concert? For me, I had to focus on work the days before our anniversary having a huge presentation to the editors’ at work. I drowned myself at work cause I knew that it would have been too much for me otherwise. Least to say the presentation went ok. Not a huge hit but at least my message is out there. What comes out of remains to be seen.
There was only one day of snow here in NYC and the snow is already melting with the surprisingly warmer weather. But it’s still beautiful. The other day I ate some cookies that totally tasted like your yummy “crack cookies.”
As I’m writing this, I’m traveling to Florida for a seminar. I think it’s the first time I’m traveling since I’ve moved…outside of my going home for the holidays. But for some reason, during this travel day, I’m missing you deeply. I’m so tempted to ping you our regular “dede.” But it seems so wrong for me to do that…I’m thinking that you’re intentionally staying out of radar cause you want to move on. And that maybe our occasional pings just keeps you from moving forward.
This guilt for hurting you still so weighs on my so heavily. I thought i would get over it by now. Or at least simply accept what I’ve done live with the consequences. But I can’t. I can’t stop thinking how much I’ve hurt you and truly sorry for what I’ve done.
I don’t know what this means, but the other day I was just thinking about my time here. I can truthfully say that though I’m happy…I don’t think I’ve been happy as much as I used to be. In fact, I’m starting to wonder if I would be as happy as I was when I was with you. Again, it’s not that I’m not happy…but for some reason I just don’t feel complete…I don’t feel whole. I miss you, dede…I miss you so much.
Christmas has passed and the New Year has been here for a couple of months. We’ve been able to share a moments together with your call for help regarding Prensa. But now it seems different. We’ve stopped corresponding even before our anniversary. I don’t blame you, I know how difficult it was for me… I hope you know that I had thoughts of you constantly around that time. I wondered what you did for Valentine’s Day and how you spent your day on our anniversary. How was the Joshua Radin concert? For me, I had to focus on work the days before our anniversary having a huge presentation to the editors’ at work. I drowned myself at work cause I knew that it would have been too much for me otherwise. Least to say the presentation went ok. Not a huge hit but at least my message is out there. What comes out of remains to be seen.
There was only one day of snow here in NYC and the snow is already melting with the surprisingly warmer weather. But it’s still beautiful. The other day I ate some cookies that totally tasted like your yummy “crack cookies.”
As I’m writing this, I’m traveling to Florida for a seminar. I think it’s the first time I’m traveling since I’ve moved…outside of my going home for the holidays. But for some reason, during this travel day, I’m missing you deeply. I’m so tempted to ping you our regular “dede.” But it seems so wrong for me to do that…I’m thinking that you’re intentionally staying out of radar cause you want to move on. And that maybe our occasional pings just keeps you from moving forward.
This guilt for hurting you still so weighs on my so heavily. I thought i would get over it by now. Or at least simply accept what I’ve done live with the consequences. But I can’t. I can’t stop thinking how much I’ve hurt you and truly sorry for what I’ve done.
I don’t know what this means, but the other day I was just thinking about my time here. I can truthfully say that though I’m happy…I don’t think I’ve been happy as much as I used to be. In fact, I’m starting to wonder if I would be as happy as I was when I was with you. Again, it’s not that I’m not happy…but for some reason I just don’t feel complete…I don’t feel whole. I miss you, dede…I miss you so much.
posted at 1:33 AM
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