Post Christmas Sadness
Well, I’m back home…back in the Big Apple anyway. A short and emotional visit back home with family and it was great to see you…even if it were brief. I appreciate your telling me that you feel that you do have fond memories of us and that you do find meaning of the time we shared. That means a lot to me.
And if I understand correctly when you say that you “love (me) in a way that you can’t explain…” It’s really the fact that you love me unconditionally regardless of what has transpired and where we are with each other. I can tell you that I feel the same way, dede…that, you will always hold a special place in my heart.
The time I spent at home with Pop and his family was overwhelming. Emotions were constantly high looking at how things have changed to the house that we re-designed and built together. The kitchen cabinets that we installed ourselves, the colors in the living that we choose, the decorations that you picked out and made our home beautiful. And then within a few months, I ripped that all apart. I still can’t believe it really…and it does weight on me constantly…this guilt and sadness of our lost.
I could only imagine what goes through your mind when you visit the house to pick up your mail. Even the small little detail around the neighborhood and especially the house brings fond memories of events and connections we’ve made. Our smoke-break bench, our vineyard, our garden…everything, really, brings times when we either laughed, shared and cried over something.
I too wonder when we’ll see each other again. Before we said goodbye in person this weekend, you asked if you thought we’d not only see each other again but when we’ll have a connection again. I wonder what you were thinking? I’m just left wondering how you can still love me so after all that I’ve done to you? All of the pain I’ve inflicted?
I do wish I can eventually find you happy…truly happy. Can I tell you I miss you? Can I?
And if I understand correctly when you say that you “love (me) in a way that you can’t explain…” It’s really the fact that you love me unconditionally regardless of what has transpired and where we are with each other. I can tell you that I feel the same way, dede…that, you will always hold a special place in my heart.
The time I spent at home with Pop and his family was overwhelming. Emotions were constantly high looking at how things have changed to the house that we re-designed and built together. The kitchen cabinets that we installed ourselves, the colors in the living that we choose, the decorations that you picked out and made our home beautiful. And then within a few months, I ripped that all apart. I still can’t believe it really…and it does weight on me constantly…this guilt and sadness of our lost.
I could only imagine what goes through your mind when you visit the house to pick up your mail. Even the small little detail around the neighborhood and especially the house brings fond memories of events and connections we’ve made. Our smoke-break bench, our vineyard, our garden…everything, really, brings times when we either laughed, shared and cried over something.
I too wonder when we’ll see each other again. Before we said goodbye in person this weekend, you asked if you thought we’d not only see each other again but when we’ll have a connection again. I wonder what you were thinking? I’m just left wondering how you can still love me so after all that I’ve done to you? All of the pain I’ve inflicted?
I do wish I can eventually find you happy…truly happy. Can I tell you I miss you? Can I?
posted at 8:51 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home