So you're home

I know that you've been home, or at least in the Bay Area, and I'm wondering how you're doing. I've txt'd you the day you were arriving and i'm assuming that you'll write me if you need me. I'm still wondering if you need me, how you're feeling and if you're OK. I've been on iChat and wondering why you haven't been on lately. Or have you but you're on a different login?

Oh, I wish I can express how much it's been hard for me. But I suppose that's so unfair. I do hope that you're happy. But yet if you're not, I wish that you would contact me. Don't know why. Maybe to invite you to NYC. The past few days I've been trying to remember how we were. How happy we were. How good I had it...my life with you.

Tonight, I spend the evening, for the first time, out drinking with the folks at work. I finally had the guts to tell them that we were separating. I received nothing but apologies and sincere concern. But none of them knew us. Which is a good thing, I suppose but, yet, I wish they knew me when I was happy when I was with you.

I haven't been happy. I've been either sad or really, really focused at work. It's hard to believe that I've finally found my flow...a job where I can focus on what I'm good at, surrounded by brilliant people, resources to make it happen and the opportunity of a lifetime. I can see myself totally drowning in this work. Consumed by it's challenge and opportunity.

Yet, I've never been so miserable in my personal life. =(